I am sitting in a room near the front of the house with Darchelle, and perhaps Daniel and David, when a man named Kevin, shorter and stockier than I am and dressed in a light blue or gray suit, comes in and asks me for a donation. He says it is for health, or maybe for climate chage, and shows me large scrape on the inside of his forearm. He wants $20 and Darchelle and I are initially willing to give him that much, then I suggest $10 instead. He would like cash but when I balk at giving him the money immediately, he tells me I can give online.
Somehow I learn that he is planning to keep the money for himself. At this point Kevin has gone out to the enclosed front porch and is standing at the far end with several other people. I go out as well and when I see him, I am filled with righteous indignation and announce "I have rarely seen such moral corruption!" Turning to Kevin, I demand "What do you have to say for yourself?"
In a meek voice he says "Climate?"

I reviewed this dream during the night and again the next day but did not write it down until several days later after I had forgotten a few details, though hopefully not so many that I can't make sense of it. Nothing jumps out at me. I don't know anyone named Kevin but I have a vague association of both the name and the color light blue with my ex-wife Susan, and perhaps a clearer association with Kathy B's husband, with whom she worked in Christian missions for a time. Since he is someone I do not know personally, Kevin instead probably represents some part of myself. In asking for money he is requesting that I help him on account of his injury (symbolizing ALS?), but feeling that he is either dishonest or unworthy, I am indignant that he would do ask that of me.
Maybe the money represents life; having survived 12 years with this disease, maybe it is unreasonable of me to expect more. Maybe that is why I feel as though my time is running out - that I judge myself unworthy of more time. But "moral corruption" - isn't that a little harsh? Because I want to live a little longer, I am (in some part of my own opinion) morally corrupt? On the other hand, perhaps Kevin's request for money does not represent asking for longer life, which I cannot in any case provide. Perhaps he is asking something else of me.
BTW, both rooms in the dream feel like porches, part of the house but not really in the house, suggesting that while I am still alive (in the house) I am not all the way inside (referring perhaps to being disabled) any longer.
It turns out I have met "Kevin", a stocky man in light blue clothing, before. I murdered him (I saw it as self defense) in a dream a year ago about two threatening men invading my house. The two dreams are apparently related so I should probably try to figure it out how. Here's what I come up with.
The "I" in both dreams interprets the actions of the stocky man in light blue as demanding something which "I" is unwilling to give, or perhaps an action which "I" is unwilling to do. What if that something, that action, is to hope? In this dream the money would represent hope, perhaps hope for an extension of life or perhaps the hope of resurrection into a better life. "I" resists the request to hope, considers it dishonest (or perhaps unrealistic), and the man in light blue can't make much of a case for it.
In the earlier dream, "I" is considering asking Ellen to have sex with him when the man in light blue shows up. Asking for intimacy requires a measure of hope that the request will be granted. "I" doesn't ask, suggesting a refusal to hope, and instead kills the man in light blue. It's a bit of a stretch but not completely off the mark in view of the later dream to consider that the man in light blue represents an impulse to hope which "I" violently suppresses, an action represented by both by the man in blue's death and by Ellen cowering under the covers afterwards. I associate Ellen, who attends church regularly, with Christianity. Asking her to have sex with me in the dream symbolizes finding a way to believe in a loving relational God, an action borne of a hope which I have been unable or unwilling to adopt. At the end of the earlier dream Ellen cowers under a blanket. Her fear is probably a projection of my own, suggesting that I am afraid to hope.
What is it about hope that could provoke such resistance? The risk of disappointment, the pain of loss, which can be avoided simply by refusing to hope. But looking back, I regret not those times when I indulged in hope and risked the pain of loss by asking for what I wanted, but rather those occasions when I lacked sufficient hope to even ask. Both this and the earlier dream suggest that I've been letting that fear of disappointment deter me from exercising the courage to hope.